Episode Transcript
[00:00:02] Mindset matters hi, I'm Dr. Charisse Johnson, a licensed clinical mental health therapist, mindfulness practitioner, and author. One of my primary specialties is working with individuals all along the spectrum of eating. Welcome to Mindset Matters. Today, let's talk about all or nothing thinking and how it fuels your relationship with food. So essentially, we want to look at the concepts between perfectionism, food and control. And I believe that all of us can find ourselves somewhere in between.
[00:00:39] So all or nothing thinking is a cognitive distortion. It's a mindset where we feel like we're either perfect or a failure. News flash, none of us are perfect. But, you know, just stay with me where we're either perfect or failure, healthy or unhealthy, good or bad, with no middle ground. Here's a few key questions that I want you to consider as we continue to talk and Discuss emotional eating. 1. Why do perfectionists struggle with food? I think that's something that we don't always consider, that we feel like if we're struggling with emotional eating, it's because we're weak willed or we're undisciplined or we just have poor habits. We don't consider that there is sometimes or often an underlying tone of perfectionism. And when you feel like you cannot live up to that unrealistic standard, it shows up in the way you eat and feeling like you're constantly restarting on your journey of food freedom. Second question is, how does trying to control eating often lead to emotional overeating? And that doesn't mean just real quickly that you want to be completely mindless about what you put in your mouth. You do want to eat with intention. You want to eat in ways that honor your hunger and fullness and honor your taste preferences. But that's a continuum that if we go too far on one end, it is going to leave us in a situation where we are very rigid or feel like we can't live up to the standards and the expectations that we've set. Third question is, what's happening when we engage in all or nothing thinking? How is it impacting the brain? Because, you know, if we're going to spend some time together, a little neuroscience has to be a part of it. So let's talk. First, the neuroscience of perfectionism and food control. Dopamine and the reward system. Perfectionists often seek achievement and control which activates dopamine. Did you know that the brain's reward neurotransmitter is dopamine? And when we are making attempts to be perfect, that is what we are trying to get, if I can do it all right, then I feel great.
[00:02:57] But that can lead to strict dieting, tracking. And that control only creates a very temporary dopamine boost. So as long as you feel like you're doing everything right, then it works for you. But it makes the pursuit of perfect eating also feel addictive. Then when we inevitably fail because none of us eats perfect, there actually is no such thing as a perfect way for us to all eat. Then we break the diet or overeat and see that as failure dopamine levels crash. That leads to guilt. And then that puts you in that cycle of emotional eating along with the dopamine pathways we have. Then what happens to the prefrontal cortex here in the front of the head, right behind your skin on the top of your skull and self regulation. The prefrontal cortex, also called the pfc, helps with impulse control and decision making. It's where we want to live as much as possible because that's where a good decision making lies. Well, when we are working towards being a perfectionist, it actually over activates the pfc. It's like cluttering it up or stuffing it with too much information at one time. And then that creates rigid rules that aren't sustainable. This is happening when you see yourself sit down and you make this meticulous plan. Now I know there are going to be some of you who are like, but Dr. Shareese, that's what I do. I love making those plans. They're helpful to me. I'm not saying that having a plan is wrong, but I just want you to consider if you didn't have this rigid structure telling you what every second of the day needs to look like, would you still be able to operate in a way that honors what your body needs? So you really want to always consider what's the balance or how do I do when that structure and that rigidity isn't in place? So when then stress or hunger overwhelms the brain, the PFC gets hijacked. If you're following something that is under nourishing to you, then that's going to be more likely to lead to an episode of binge eating, which makes you feel like you have a loss of control and again perpetuates that guilt and shame cycle. Then we have the amygdala and emotional eating. The amygdala is the brain's emotional center. It responds to perceived failures with a stress response. So if you have this really tight dynamic of what you feel like is necessary and important for you to eat and you perceive not following it, perfect, perfectly all or none. Then it lands you in a place where your amygdala is going to release cortisol, which is your stress hormone. When that cortisol is released, it triggers cravings for high sugar, high fat foods as a survival mechanism. So let's just stop right there and I want to make sure this is clear to you. When you are constantly striving to be perfect in your eating, you increase the likelihood that that you're going to emotionally eat because you are putting too much stress on the brain and you are crashing the natural sources of dopamine that you have by trying to strive to meet a standard that is absolutely unattainable. And then you're left with all of the subsequent emotions and new memories that get stored in the midbrain that you don't need, that we don't want you to reference. And that keeps you in this cycle of starting over again and again and again. When the amygdala fires off with that stress response by releasing that cortisol, we end up binge eating. It's the brain's way of self regulating after a perceived restriction. So trying to be perfect and restricting the needs of the brain and the body backfires. And it will continue to backfire every time. There is no way around it. So how does all or nothing thinking fuel emotional eating? Okay, number one, dieting becomes a really false control mechanism. Perfectionists feel safe when they're in control, so they create extreme food rules like clean eating or no sugar or ketogenic. Again, you are grown. You can choose to eat in whatever way you desire. But I'm always going to be honest. I'm always going to highlight what we know to be true in research and practice. And we do know unequivocally that those eating methods are not sustainable 100% of the time.
[00:08:09] And so then when you inevitably break the rules that you've set for yourself, you feel like a failure. Which leads to emotional eating as a form of self punishment or relief. I want to kind of hit that again.
[00:08:27] Sometimes eating emotionally can be self punishment. I already feel bad, I already messed up. Or it's a form of relief because you're overwhelmed and you're strained. Neither is wrong per se, but I want you to understand the motivations and the undertones which are the drivers for how you are choosing to feed yourself.
[00:08:56] Second, how does all or nothing thinking fuel emotional eating? The what the hell effect, a psychological phenomenon, it really is where a small slip leads to a Full binge because the day is already ruined. The brain treats imperfection as a total failure if you have strong all or nothing thinking, and that creates that cycle of guilt and shame where you just decide that you're not allowed to be human. You're not allowed to honor something that is helpful to you, and it goes too far. And it can spiral not only for a day, but it can spiral for days or weeks. I want you to consider that. Have you ever had a moment where one slip became a landslide? It doesn't have to.
[00:09:54] Another way that all or nothing thinking fuels emotional eating is the perceived success, failure and binge restriction cycle. So many perfectionists often struggle with yo yo dieting, alternating between strict restrictions and periods of binge eating. So these are the moments that you are telling yourself, I just can't get back on track. You really want to identify, well, what is that track? And is that track so rigid that it's not sustainable? Sometimes when I'm working with people, I let them know, you can't get back on that track because you weren't supposed to be on that track in the first place. That is the smallest track known to man. And your body needs more than what you've set up for these sets of rules. And as a result of that, it is going to push you to another place. As a result of that, the increased hunger that you feel when you feel like you're binging is sometimes just the body saying, I'm starving, I need more. And that's what you look at is failure. The brain, if we train it that way, can also associate eating bad foods with a loss of control, which then reinforces emotional distress and future restriction. Ideally, we don't want foods to be categorically good and bad because that sets all or nothing thinking in place. It is important for us to understand, I might say it every week, all foods fit in moderation. The exceptions to that are the foods that you know you're allergic to or you have an intolerance to for your specific body, or they go against a autoimmune disease that you have or some other medical dynamic that's going to play a part in the foods that fit for your life. But a strict categorization of good and bad is not ideal for the brain and really keeps you in this cycle of emotional eating that we're talking about and feeling like you're going to fail. So why try? Perfectionism also affects your hunger and fullness, so perfectionists will often ignore their interoception. Your interoception is the body's ability to to recognize hunger and fullness signals. Perfectionists may get into a number of different things, and you might find that this is you, whether you're a perfectionist or not. So you might find that you get so driven on the things that you need to do and getting it done and marking it off the list and taking care of everybody. Yes, I'm raising my voice like that for a reason that you totally miss out on the fact that your body was like, I cued you for hunger four hours ago.
[00:12:39] I frequently hear from individuals who are working to detach and abandon and walk away from emotional eating. I don't feel my hunger. But really often what happens is we've ignored our hunger cues so much that we've disconnected from that interoception, from feeling, feeling those responses because we're so focused on what needs to be done that we can view stopping and nourishing ourselves as an inconvenience.
[00:13:13] Have you ever thought to yourself, I don't have time to eat? And as a result of that, then we usually choose things that don't really honor the level of micronutrients that we need. Perfectionists often rely on external food rules, calories, macros, fasting windows, rather than their body's natural cues. Again, if you choose, count your macros, if that's important to you, but not in a way that is obsessive and not in a way that ignores your body's natural needs. If you feel that your body is at odds with the way that you're trying to eat, eat, then the way that you're trying to eat is counterintuitive to your body. And you may want to reach out and get the help of a licensed dietitian to help you find the balance that you need. Perfectionists also disconnect, and extreme hunger is the only cue that is recognized. Here's something that you may not realize. Those of you who have taken emotional eating 101 with me may remember this. The more hungry you are, the hungrier you are. When you enter eating, typically the further you're going to go when it comes to fullness. So if you wait until the point where you're like, I am starving.
[00:14:42] I am so hungry right now, then that's the restrict binge cycle. It's been too long since you've eaten something and your body is pushing you and cuing you to eat, then when you open up and start eating, it feels almost feverish and like you can't get full enough because the brain is like, we've been starving. Take in everything he or she has so that we make sure that we have enough to store for later. So when we go through these long extreme moments of not eating, ignoring our interoception, ignoring our hunger cues, not stopping, and making eating every three to four hours a priority, we are keeping ourselves in the emotional eating cycle of restrict, binge, guilt, shame. We stay there for a little while and then start the process again.
[00:15:47] So how do you break free from perfectionist thinking?
[00:15:51] It's not easy, but it's very possible. One of the things that you want to consider is rewiring the brain. The power of neuroplasticity. That means the brain can unlearn all or nothing thinking through what we call cognitive flexibility exercises. Cognitive flexibility is simply when you allow a level of flexibility in your way of thinking so that it's not so rigid, so black and white. And it takes practice. It is not something that you can do once and then you're going to have it down. You will have to unlearn what you've learned along the way. Let me say this as well. I do believe it's helpful to also start tracing. Where is the root of your perfectionism? We are not born perfectionist. It is something that we acquire through biological means, psychological means, social means. It's often something that we see in environments that has been shown to us by other people in our life. Somewhere along the way, you may have had an experience where you felt like being perfect, got you what you needed, until it didn't. So you continue to strive. You might be around people that you feel like expect you to be perfect, and you're trying so hard to live up to their standard that you're also hurting yourself. As a side note, before you even get into rewiring your brain and the neuroplasticity that helps you unlearn, I want you to take some time to really acknowledge, where did this come from? And why am I still so attached to trying to be perfect when I know I can't be? So cognitive flexibility exercises, for example, practice self compassion. So self compassion instead of guilt, helps rewire the brain's response to food choices. This might look like you making a choice that's outside of your rules and saying to yourself, I'm okay with the choice that I made. I enjoyed it. It was great. All foods fit in moderation or I love the way that I feed myself over the course of a week. I want to make sure that I get in proteins and carbs and vegetables and fruits and taking a look at your entire week versus getting focused and hyper focused on one specific moment. It also is helpful to reframe your mistakes as data instead of failure. So this helps reprogram the perfectionist tendency. What did I learn from that situation? Oh well, I realize I waited way too long to allow myself time to eat. I need to make sure that on days where I'm extremely busy that I carry food with me. So look at those moments that you perceive as failure as an opportunity to collect data so that you can then put a plan in place that will just help you be more successful with being consistent in your life.
[00:19:02] And another thing that might be helpful when you want to break free from perfectionist thinking as it relates to your food is practicing the middle ground with food. So instead of labeling foods as good or bad, you want to try neutral language like this food is satisfying, this food is enjoyable and something I love eating when we have family time. So you really want to speak a little bit more towards the experience of the food, the satisfaction, the contentment. I love the flavors. You can also do things like utilizing the 8020 rule where we essentially consider about 80% of the time I want to eat foods that are highly nourishing in micronutrients to my body. And then 20% of the time I want to experience some level of flexibility. But also know there are going to be weeks where you might be traveling for work or you might have a big event or you have something going on in your family and that 8020 rule is going to be a 7030 or a 5050 or 60 40. But you get my point. Have some flexibility versus thinking. You have to eat one specific way 100% of the time. Create a flexible structure. Plan meals with always having the room for spontaneity. Don't beat yourself up if you're in a situation that you decide, I don't want what I made today, so I'm going to choose to have something else that is fully appropriate.
[00:20:34] Mindfulness and emotion regulation techniques are also a really great way to break the connection between perfectionism, control and food.
[00:20:45] Mindful eating. It's one of my absolute favorite things to teach. Maybe I'll do that and actually give you some exercises on a future podcast. But when you're mindfully eating, you are first and foremost eating without distraction so there aren't millions of things going on around you. You're not looking at your phone, you're not necessarily reading a book. You are just sitting in a state of embodiment and connecting to what you're eating. You're paying attention and you're tuning into the taste, the texture, and your body's signals to break autopilot eating. You're not just mindlessly going through, you're putting your fork down, taking natural pauses, giving the digestive system and your hunger hormones time to reach the brain and communicate to the brain, oh, this person is eating. Taking these nutrients, utilize them where necessary, and then listening to the body because it will cue you for fullness.
[00:21:50] And that fullness cue comes before we feel so full that we feel sick or our stomach is descended. When we've gone to that point we far exceeded fullness. True and appropriate fullness means eating to a place of satisfaction and knowing, I don't have to worry, I don't have to fear, there'll be another meal soon.
[00:22:15] And then there's cognitive reframing. When a bad food thought arises, replace it with a neutral one. For example, instead of I messed up, say, one meal doesn't define my health. I just made myself happy saying that I just love it. One meal doesn't define my health. I would love for you to try that the next time you're noticing the guilt and shame start to come in.
[00:22:45] Breath work and grounding is another mindfulness and emotion and regulation technique that is helpful. When we are kind of in a grounded state. We're sitting back, leaning on a chair or couch, but specifically chair. If we're eating at a table, which is highly recommended, the nervous system has an opportunity to slow down. Doing breath work before you eat is an extremely powerful way to break away from the busyness and the chaos of all the things that you do on a regular day and to kind of check in and center yourself into the fact that, okay, I'm preparing my body to eat. Because when we come out of our anxiety or pull ourselves up a little bit from a depressed state state, or the overwhelm and the stress that we have, it allows us to connect with our food in a way that is going to be more adaptive. And then it's important for us to address, what are you really craving?
[00:23:48] When I'm Teaching Emotional Eating 101, one of the very first things that I teach them is to ask the question, what are you hungry for? What are you really in touch need of?
[00:24:03] That food is being brought in as a counterfeit.
[00:24:09] So emotional eating often mask a deeper need for things like rest, connection, self acceptance, fun, connection, belonging.
[00:24:26] So ask yourself, am I truly hungry or am I seeking comfort, relief or distraction? And then develop non food coping tools like journaling or movement or engaging in creative activities that are a really beautiful way to kind of engage. Do something that you love. Create natural forms of dopamine without putting you in a situation where you're in that emotional eating cycle. So here's a few takeaways that I want you to consider. Perfectionism and food control creates a cycle of stress and emotional eating. It's something that you want to do intentional work around separating and learning to have a greater sense of awareness of when it's happening in your life.
[00:25:23] Sustainable change happens through flexibility, self compassion and rewiring our all or nothing nothing thinking mindset. So an action step for you. Try one small practice like neutral food language or mindful eating or the 8020 approach over the next week and if you like that approach and feel like it's working with you, continue it or layer in with with another one. I do want to encourage you as you feel comfortable. Reach out to me where I can be found on all social platforms or on my website. I would love to hear your stories around how you're incorporating these tools, what your key takeaways were and if this was useful in your life. Most of all, I want you to remember you are not your food choices. Healing begins when we release the need for perfection and embrace progress instead.
[00:26:27] Be well and we'll connect soon.
